At some point in life we come to a crossing where we need to let go of our compiling fear, just let go of control, and allow ourselves to take the risk.
We knew something had to give. We knew we were sick of Georgia, of the people, and of the pain. If we didn’t get out now, something even more horrific was sure to become our fates. Looking back at it now, I’m not sure how we ever made it through, and for as long as we did. The violence and hate were escalating and we would never be able to be ourselves living life like this. Starting in high school with the cruel comments, the shoves, the push down the stairs, the hits, the petition to get kicked out of school that even staff signed, the cornered threats saying we could be fixed in 5 minutes, the list just continues on.
As we got older the comments and threats became more severe resulting in our car being tagged with the word “fag”, being trapped at work surround by 5 men, the hiding, and the pain. It was unbearable and terrifying. Part of the reason I was able to push past the physical pain I was enduring was because of the flood of adriline I experienced produced by the fear. This was 6 years ago now. but miraculously, I came back home to Colorado and suddenly I wasn’t just a piece of “dyke trash”, I was a human being worth respect and love. I can’t accurately put into words how grateful I am to all the people that came into my life. I am from such an amazing and inclusive place but before making the leap we had no idea what this new place would have in store for us. We took the risk anyway past the fear and it turned out to be our most rewarding decision.
Back those six years ago, when choosing a new state to call home, our rights and safety as a lesbian couple determined our every possibility. It terrified me to live, or even visit, a place that would not recognize our marriage. It was terrifying to even be in one of those states for any length of time. If something were to happen to one of us, the other wouldn’t be afforded any rights or potentially wouldn’t even be able to get inside the room. If they refused to recognize our marriage, then I would not even be allowed in the hospital room, nor be involved in any of the decisions on what was happening to the love of my life! It is truly terrifying. I prayed each time we were apart for her safety. It’s such a genuinely horrible feeling and that’s just one of the examples that could happen. It was for this reason; specifically, we did not entertain the thought of living in Florida or any state in the southeast, or east coast, for that matter.
Put the Opportunity Out Into the Universe with Full Faith
Life doesn’t just happen to us, we have to go seek it out for ourselves.
Lucky for us, the place we both truly wanted to be was my birth state, Colorado. Which also, just so happened to already have legalized LGBT marriage long before the countrywide change!! It was perfect and we were both absolutely thrilled, but that didn’t mean we weren’t scared out of our minds at the same time. It was difficult to make such a huge change! At the time we were 22/23 years old and every aspect of us was being torn apart. We lived in a very unaccepting place and, for safety, were forced back into the closet. We were never going to be able to be ourselves, exactly who we are. Even in a friendly conversation who we were and our relationship was not to be discussed. Our stories of unacceptance and torture were neverending. We were ready.
It finally got to the point where enough was enough and we weren’t willing to hide or be afraid anymore. On February 15th, 2015 Little E convinced me to submit my resume to Colorado kitchens to see what would happen. As a sign of fate, I literally received a job offer the very same day, the same hour actually! I called E, who was at work, practically crying with excitement and together we made the craziest decision and took the biggest risk of our lives! I called the kitchen back and set up an interview for February 28th, 2015, and we started packing that very night! We were determined to make it happen, we didn’t care we were practically broke, or would know absolutely no one even near there, we were leaving to be out there all on our own in search of a better life. It was a bit funny the few days before we left we discovered the show, Homicide Hunter, which so happens to be a show about murders in Colorado Springs, our soon-to-be new home adding to our list of fears.
Commit To Making The Change – Let Go and Make it Happen
The next day was our nine-year anniversary February 16th, 2015, and it was such an amazing day! We celebrated with a trip to the mall to stock up on some winter essentials. Neither one of us even owned a winter coat or boots. It was just a small way of really committing which we absolutely recommend. Any changes or additions you can make will reinforce your decision to helo you make it a reality. There comes a point in time where you just have to accept you don’t have complete control of everything, that there will always be some fear (it keeps you safe), you have to learn to let go and let life take the wheel for a bit. We believe in a grand design, meaning things happen as they are meant to happen. It’s ok to take the risk. Please don’t think we’re only referring to huge changes, taking chances comes in so many forms in life big and small.
February 24th we woke up to a crazy snowy GA day, and GA rarely gets snow, packed our car to the brim, and drove on to our new home. We had no real plan, just a little bit of money, a packed to the brim car, and a GPS to guide us. We arrived in Colorado on February 26th and it was the greatest decision we could ever make. It was so thrilling, just the two of us with our two puppy kids wearing their winter jackets in the back seat. It was our first major road trip and we absolutely loved every second of it! And of course, we both had this unbelievable sense of relief knowing we’re FINALLY leaving the hate and the fear long behind us. We had no idea what life in Colorado would look like but it was a frightening risk that completely changed our lives for the better.
Believe, Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back – Dealing with Concern
I should back up a step to explain that this was the very first time we ever made such a rash decision. We had never even dreamed of taking such a huge risk before all this. I’m one of those people who takes the time to assess my options and consider the consequences of each decision. But not this time, and it was truly the best thing that we have ever done, we have absolutely NO REGRETS! We never once let all the normal fears of a cross country move even creep into our minds for more than a few passing moments. When we did finally arrive in Colorado, I got the job on the spot for a higher wage than I was asking, the best apartment we’ve ever had, and we were surrounded by loving people who could not care less that two women were in love.
Fear and indecision are such difficult concepts to battle. I made tempura sweet and sour chicken for Chinese dinner night and the thought popped into my mind about the fear surrounding hot deep-frying oil. No one likes to be burned and at some point or another we all have been, but my best advice would be to let go of the fear surrounding getting burned, focus on the task, and your chances of getting hurt diminish considerably. I encourage you to give it a try. Fear can take over your life in an instant. Understand the risks, but take that leap anyway. There are times it may not “work” may not improve we’ll always regret not at least trying to give it a shot.
Commit to Making the New Change Work – Allow Yourself to be Happy
Living in Colorado changed everything! It renewed brandy’s and my love, gave us faith in good people that wanted nothing but happiness for us. We never felt afraid of being who we are. Our life in Colorado has been the best thing to ever happen to us. And it was this new sense of being, that allowed us to finally make things official and tie the knot! We eloped, just the two of us and the most amazing officiant colorado had to offer, along with the Boulder Creekside, on one of Colorado’s most amazing just pure blue sky days. We made a home, explored our new surroundings, made friends, and built the life we wanted. We made the effort. You can’t take any risk then give up trying after the jump. Life just doesn’t work like that, it requires effort and dedication.
Our Final Piece of Advice
We took the risk, held each other close, and made the leap. Don’t ever be too afraid to take a risk. It’s always the risks you don’t take that you live to regret! Never let fear control your every move. Understand your situation and let it happen. Do what makes you happy, whatever that is. Life’s too short to live in fear or worry, and you deserve so much more than that! There are times in life where things work themselves out perfectly. Our happiness lies in our own hands. Change is never easy but if you want something bad enough, go out and get it. Life won’t wait and neither should you. Respect yourself, your partner, friends, and stranger. Never be afraid to show the world exactly who you are and live your truest life. No matter your situation or circumstance you are beautiful, you matter, and there is hope out there.
In Addition – Quick Update
It turns out this was a post I needed to write. As of yesterday (4-21-21), the circumstances of our lives have drastically changed. This will be the start of life on the road. We will now be nomadic as we complete the last few tasks, and save up the last bit of money, before we being the building process of a Clayton modular home on our land. 19 serenity, wait for me. We’re taking our own advice here and taking the risk, diving head in once again.