Forever and Always, I Do
Forever and Always, I do
Today is the day, August 15th, 2015. It’s a bright, sunny, gorgeous, green, summer day in Colorado. The landscape matches our excitement. The sun shines down, the majestic mountains stand tall, and the light breeze cuts the warmth from the summer heat. We head out the door of our tan and orange stucco first-floor apartment, into the breezeway, headed for our car. It is her, and it’s me, and this will be the start of our forever as a married couple. Our freshly washed, sporty black 2013 Chevy Cruze shines bright in the sunlight as we reach for the door handles and climb in. This will be an unconventional wedding, long overdue. It’s just us today, an intimate elopement.
Looking back, we never thought we would be able to do this, to be able to get married. We are two women, and we fell in love. No matter how hard we tried to fight it, how much torture we went through, or past all the people who tried to pull us apart, we are here together, driving in our car, both our hearts filled with so much love for each other. We were kids when all this started. It took us both by surprise. We’ve been through so much. We’ve been pushed down flights of stairs, shoved into lockers, gawked at, punched, people spat in our faces, shot at us, nearly hit us by a car, told us “to go kill ourselves,” and were called “dyke.” There was a year when students and teachers joined together and signed a petition to have us kicked out of our public school. If we could have changed the way we felt about each other back then, we would have. No one wants to go through such discrimination and danger.
But all that is behind us now. We left that hate and violence in the past when we left Georgia and came back home to Colorado. Now we are here and fully in this moment. I turn to turn to her at a red light. She is so attractive with her freckles and red hair, she’s smiling more than I have ever seen before. I am so grateful to have her in my life.
“Are you ready for this baby girl?” I ask
“I have never been more ready for anything beautiful!” She replies.
“I cannot believe this is happening right now, did you ever think it would be possible?” I ask.
She smiles back and says, “Of course I did. I was meant to find you, to love you, this is what I was born to do. What I was born to be.”
“I love you so much!” I say.
To which she replies, “I love you so much more.”
Our song plays and we sing the lyrics to each other.
“We watched the season pull up its own stage
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun-soaked season fades away
You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart
Invitation only grant farewells
Crash the best one of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy-eyed
Too early to say goodnight
You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart
And from the ballroom floor, we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all
We’ll sleep well
Sleep well
You have stolen (my)
You have stolen (my)
You have stolen my heart
I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart”
We’re headed up to Boulder Colorado where we will meet our officiant beside Boulder Creek. It wasn’t until June 26, 2015, it became legal in all states for us to be married. Of course, Colorado made it legal on October 7, 2014. Before we had received this news we thought it would never happen. We were God’s abominations and we were never meant for happiness or kind treatment. Nothing could tear us apart, no matter how bad it got. If I am going to hell for my love, so be it, living in this world without her, was unbearable. We are both still healing from these thoughts. Moving back to Colorado in February of this year has been one of our best decisions. We have been treated so kindly and with love and respect here.
We’re here, I park the car in a gravel pull-off lot, and we get out. Words can do little to explain or describe the emotions welling up inside me now. The landscape is astounding. The sky is a bright crystal blue with puffy white clouds. Sunshine floods the area. The leaves of the trees are various shades of green. There is a sweet and sublet scent in the air. We meet with our officiant and shake hands. Together we walk down the path, her holding my hand. The gravel crunches a familiar sound, beneath our feet. My heart beats loud and crazy. At the end of the short path, we reach the creek. There’s a strong flow of clear water, with large and small rocks and a sandy rock bottom. My heart jumps with fear when I notice some people, about our age, sitting on the other side of the bank. For a split second, nightmares of Georgia flashback in my mind, and it scares me.
She brings my focus back on her and it calms me. She is the only thing in this life that matters right now, and now I am calm and ready. We take our places standing in front of each other. We’re just wearing button-up shirts and jeans, but that doesn’t even matter. The ceremony begins, then she pauses for a second and apologizes.
“I just have to say, I have never seen a more beautiful or enthusiastic couple on their wedding day,” she says.
We smile, look deep into each other’s eyes, and thank her for the compliment. She carries on with the ceremony, then announces “Kay has written her own vows, which she would like to read aloud now.”
I begin, “Brandy Elizabeth Miller,
I don’t even know where to start. Together we’ve been through so much! It’s been nine years of ups and downs, great times and hardships, but through it all, you’ve always been right there standing beside me. You’ve been strong whenever I was feeling weak and kept us walking on. You stood so proud as you carried me to safety in your arms. You did everything you could to keep me going strong, no matter the means or personal sacrifice. I was always put first and that was so new to me.
When you look at me, you see me for who I really am, past all the damage and the scars you have always been able to see the beauty no one bothers to notice. You are my rock, my safe place to go, my home, and I thank God for you every day.
When I’m with you I feel so complete. I feel so completely free to just be whoever it is that I am with no fear of judgment or demand and that’s such a rare find. Throughout the years I just keep finding reasons to love you so much stronger. With each passing day, we find a new way to love. You never once gave up on me, through my lifelong battle with depression and self-hate to our fight against the world to be together, despite all the rejection they tried to throw our way.
We met in high school, freshman year in Coach Walker’s Geography class, and we instantly became best friends. Friendship in class led us to being friends hanging out after class and on the weekends, and soon after that, we shared our first kiss. I just couldn’t get you off my mind. We talked for hours about every topic under the sun, and through those Midway Park talks and nights out on my driveway conversations, I found out you were feeling that exact same way. That one special night out in the summer night where I held your hand for the first time and kissed you will be a moment I cherish for the rest of my time.
Together we made the crazy decision that our feelings for each other were just too strong to keep ignoring. We found way too much happiness in each other not to let the whole world know it. We showed our love to the world and together held strong, no matter what they did or said to us. You never once tried to hide me away, and you don’t know what all that means to me. You never cared about what anyone else thought. You took away all my shame and shouted to the world you will never hide our love away. You showed pride in me, that even to this day I can’t fathom. You were always first to stand up and fight.
For our love, we’ve fought through so much, but I don’t regret a single hit, every shot they took, and every single ounce of shame they tried to throw in our faces has just made us stand together with a stronger front. Making that decision to love you has been the best I’ve ever made. I’m so unbelievably happy to have you in my life. You are my life.
Every time I look at you, every time I look deep into your eyes, I can see the real me. I feel your unconditional love, and this overwhelming happiness instantly comes over me. Your laugh and your smile fill me with such a strong joy that it overwhelms me. You keep me going on, and you’ve slowly throughout the years helped me learn to love myself the same way you see me. You remind me of all the reasons I matter. I can’t imagine not having you in my heart.
Today is the day I give every part of myself to you forever. Today is the day I make our love permanently known. I still can’t believe I’m standing here with you today. I never thought I’d one day be able to make this dream come true. I can’t even express to the fullest how I’m feeling right now. No matter what, I’m so ready to keep fighting for our love with you for the rest of my life. Today is the day I stand before God and declare pride in our love, and I know he’s looking down on us with a smile because you are God’s greatest gift to me.
I make my promise to love and cherish you completely today. I will forever be your rock and your shoulder to lean on. I’ll be your best friend through all the great times to come and through all the challenges we’ve yet to face. If you ever need anything, all you will ever have to do is just look and you will always see me standing right there beside you. I would give you my heart, but you already stole that when we were fourteen and have kept it safely wrapped entwined with yours ever since it’s always belonged to you. You are the best of me and will forever continue to be.”
I am crying tears of joy as I stumble in reciting these words. She’s looking at me crying from joy as well. We have never been so happy in our entire lives. The group across the way claps and cheers as I finish the last line.
She begins reciting her vows as well.
“I knew from the day I met you my life would be different. I knew we would have many adventures together, many laughs, many cries, many ups, and many downs. What I didn’t know is how much one person could love another, how much joy could be felt just sitting in a room with them, or how sad one could get when the other would walk out of the room, even if only for a moment. Being with you has brought out the best in me, who I am today is all because of you. You give me strength, you give me courage, and you give me love. You are my life, my world, my universe, my everything. I feel privileged to call you my wife from this day forward! Today, on our wedding day, we will become even more connected, and on a whole new level. So please remember this: I love you, you are my hero, and you have stolen my heart.”
This is happening. This is here. This is now. I am happier than I ever thought was possible, holding her hands, looking into her deep brown eyes, and repeating the words, “I DO.” The promise is sealed with a kiss.